Revenge of the Gamer

Quotes

“We must win or die.  Pompeii’s men have other options.” Ceaser from show Rome.

“Men get arrested.  Dogs get put down.” From random cop in Watchmen.

 ”Oh right, one bathroom.” Line from twilight.  Shows a lot about Bella right off the bat

Visuals

• Bite skin between thumb and forefinger to cause a little bleeding, then smear blood on forehead in a ritual symbol
• Mist in the forest really exposed spider webs.  Remember how that looked
• Look up the California Laurel, one of the trees in Armstrong Woods
• Work in Faerie rings and the hollowed out bole of a redwood
• There are Ravens, squirrels, woodpecker and deer in Armstrong

Good Lines

• Ivari has a mouth made to sneer.
• A slight widening of the eyes and a lessening of her smile.
• Slip into the black or slip past the veil.  Euphemism for death
• Examine yourself as you are to figure out who you wish to be.
• This will be dismissed as the ramblings of a madman
• The guttering flame cast a weak light incapable of pressing back the darkness
• A low menacing growl sounded from the shadows
• He gazed at his reflection in the mirror.  The white of his eyes were just a little too bright, the pupils a little too dark.
• A scarlet waterfall of gore cascaded down his neck as he craned his neck skyward and howled with the fury of a beast
• The sky burned with the scarlet flame of the sun as it sank slowly behind the hungry teeth of the Khalist mountains to the west
• When Larken went through the change his voice grew darker taking on a sinister tone.
• The world was dimmer, quiet, blanketed in mist that obscured everything beyond the reach of his hand.  Shapes that were more distant were difficult to make out.  Was that a tree, or the fingers of a sharp grasping hand thrusting into the night?  Remember the sight of Santa Rosa coated in mist.  Things are kind of layered, but even lights are muted.
• Heart stopping smile
• He had a tight, cruel mouth
• The battle had raged all day and into the night
• Well so much for the moss theory.  He’d always been taught it grew on the north side of trees, but there was moss everywhere.  It covered the trees, the rocks…everything.  So which way was north?  Under the steely grey sky there was no way to be sure.
• The clouds hung low and dark over the hills, blocking out any sight of the horizon.
• From Temis to Larken in book three just after the bond is severed.  Larken slices through the chain and the portcullis slams shut.  He’s going to stay behind and buy them time.  Temis will punch the portcullis and tell his brother, “Stand or die, we do it together.”
• The fog crept across the lake like a predator taking care not to startle its prey

Novel Specific Notes

• Maybe the dark lord wasn’t so bad after all
• Intert Blood Ticks.  Imagine a consumed tick
• Have Aran cut himself and smear his blood on something, then leave it out in the open.  This will draw the consumed who cannot resist the blood, and when it approaches they can attack it from range.  Basically an ambush.
• Music has the power to evoke emotion.  How can I work this into magic in Faelands?
• Binders should be vulnerable to silver
• Need to describe how steep the mountains around the valley of Mountain Shadow are.
• No one has jewelry of any type.  This is a detail you are overlooking in the novel.
• Be aware of speech patterns.  Someone more refined uses larger words.  Larken should sound more intelligent, Temis more like Brian.
• When Aran first sees the valley I need to describe it like Santa Rosa early in the morning.  Completely blanketed by mist.  Make the manor house more ominous.
• Game is lacking because the Orokh are also hunting the area, which is why Larken and Temis head into the fell wood
• “Lift your eyes my friend”.  Saying in my world.  A form of greeting.  A way of acknowledging another as an equal, because they need not have downcast eyes around you

Misc

• Height should really matter when describing scenes.  A tall person like Yuri will view a room completely differently than a shorter person like Karissa.  Try to capture that in your writing.
• Everyone has hopes and fears.  What do people hope to gain or fear to lose?  I need to capture this when writing.  Basically strengthen the internal monologue.  Others will not be aware of what’s going on inside a person’s head, but the reader certainly should be.
• She had black eyes isn’t going to cut it.  She had eyes blacker than midnight will.  Not a dagger, but a dagger with a long curved blade such as the Iniali normally used.  I need deeper description.
• Work in a bug city like supplement
• Remember the sacrifice from Defying Gravity.  Everyone worked hard to find something they were willing to give up, but in the end he didn’t ask them to make the sacrifice.  The fact that they’d chosen to give things up that mattered was enough.
• “Everyone makes mistakes.” First line of a short story.  I’m making a care package that I will send to myself back in the past.  Interesting concept, going back and meeting yourself.